My kids are the football players...they are out on the field, running around, getting hurt, making courageous tackles, victoriously racing to the end zone, communicating to each other (ok yelling at each other) and passing the ball off, huddling up, making defense plans, and of course stealing the ball. As the mom, I have found myself all over the stadium wearing different hats...on the sidelines, in the fan section, selling tickets, handing out Gatorade at half time, shaking the pom poms, yelling at the other team, talking to my players when they are in need of direction, frustrated with them when they don't listen, and sometimes I am even way out in the parking lot tailgating with all the other clueless, overwhelmed parents. I am the coach, the medic, the cheerleader, the bus driver, the mascot, a dedicated fan. I am rarely a player.
From the parking lot, or stands, or even right up on the sidelines- the game can be hard to keep up with. If you look a way for a second you can miss a record breaking throw, a sneaky steal by the opposition, or a painful tackle by a player twice your player's size. Sometimes though, as parents, that is where we are meant to be- right there on the sidelines...watching from a distance, keeping it all in perspective. Sometimes life can be so full and busy, the sidelines are about as close as you can get to the game without messing it all up. Because you know if you were put into the game, with all your stress and issues, you would most certainly drop the ball.
That is how I felt for most of last year- just busy, stressed, distracted. And so God just kept me on the sidelines watching my kids run with it...up and down that field. Sometimes it seems like life with two kids is just a non-stop blur and the distractions are endless...rushing from one practice to another...late for school on one day, a forgotten lunch box the next day...arguing over which shorts are too short and why we can't wear flip flops in winter...whining, crying, and more whining...it is a never ending cycle. And all the sudden an entire month has flown by and I wonder how it all went by so fast and I can't seem to remember any of the details! Who won? Who scored? Who did we even play?
Lately though, God has allowed me to jump in and be a part of the game and I have come to love every minute of it. He has slowed me down and allowed me to focus long enough to not just remember the details, but to also enjoy and savor each tiny moment. I am amazed at how much joy the girls bring me...real joy. I find myself in love with both of them all over again as I come to understand what it is like to be a part of their team, what it is like to be on the field with them, playing with them, winning and losing with them. Not to say that being on the sidelines is any less...it is just different. I am seeing them differently from this angle and I love it. I suppose there are seasons for everything and lately this season has me standing side by side with them on the field instead of looking out on them from a distance. Without the distance though, I never would have understood how they played, how they worked together to win, or how they needed me to coach them. And they would have never known my voice among all the other voices they hear yelling at them. So, God is so good. He is in control of the game, the players, coaches, fans and all, and He places us exactly where we need to be.
In order for me to get in the game though and down on the field with them, God had to take some distractions away from me. At first, I was upset, not understanding why I was being stripped of so many things all at once- unable to see how He was arranging things to bless me. Eventually though, I began to see that God was at work in my life and He was staking claim to areas of my life that I really needed to surrender to Him because they were hindering me...relationships, addictions, unhealthy habits, negative thoughts and so on. My life was filled with people, activities, and thoughts that were not only pulling me away from my walk with God but they were also keeping me off the playing field with my kids. And so I have come to see that even though the last few months have been hard- they have also come to be some of the sweetest months that I have spent with the girls because I have been able to focus on them and play along side them.
Yesterday, Riley got on the bus after school and sat down with one of Maddison's little friends named AJ. They apparently began to have a conversation about his name because it is an initial name (she has been learning her letters and the sounds that each letter makes in school.) Every time she learns the sound a letter makes, it is like a whole new discovery! She is so excited and seems amazed- like no one ever knew before her, that the letter L makes the "Luh" sound. She wiggles around, grinning from ear to ear and announces the new sound she just learned. It melts my heart. So, here she is on the bus having a little discussion about AJ's two letter name. She tells him that his name is "so weird!" I can just see her grinning at him as the light bulb goes off in her little head. Well, some 11 year-old boy happened to walk by just as she said "weird" and he of course assumed she was talking about him so, he picked a fight with her!!! He told her to "shut up" and then he threatened to shove her back pack somewhere inappropriate. She was horrified. This is the little girl who cries if you look at her funny. She is MISS Sensitive! Of course, Maddison came running to her aid, sat down next to her and calmed her down. I am sure there is nothing more comforting than having an older sibling come to your defense. Who picks a fight with the smallest kid on the bus...wearing a Dora backpack no less???? I can hardly stand it!
MISS Sensitive on the 1st day of kindergarten...
Who would pick a fight with this little kid and her Dora backpack???
I have spent the last two days reliving the drama with all the kids involved and somehow feel like one of them. In football terms, the offense just took down one of our most sensitive players and we are all downright ticked about it. But we learned a lesson: we huddle up when we are being attacked, we come running to the rescue at the first sign of a tackle, and we pull each other up, dust off the dirt, put on our helmet (or big girl panties) and make a new game plan...and we stick together. I could have missed a lot from the sidelines. I could have had to read about it in the paper or heard about it on the highlights. But because I am currently playing right along side my kids, I was blessed enough to be a part of the play and each recap.
